Redefining Mentorship: You Don’t Need to Meet Your Mentors

Early in my career there was a lot of focus on the need to have mentors. There was pressure to have a mentor as a way to get ahead and win promotions. In one job I had, the topic was discussed so frequently that colleagues would outright ask you who your mentors were. This was yet another area of competition among colleagues: first you were judged if you couldn’t name any, and then even if you did on the number and prestige of those mentors. 

As someone who wasn’t well connected with a bunch of more experienced people in my particular field of work to ask to be my mentor, I was at a loss and felt like a failure. Yes, sometimes people cold call and approach someone to be your mentor, but all the career advice I read said whatever you do don’t do that as it’s annoying (because it is). The career advice says it should happen ‘organically’, maybe start by asking a question or proving them some useful information. To me that still seemed rather intimidating.

This pressure can be overwhelming, but what if we rethink what mentorship means?

Reframing what a mentor is

Shortly after I left the aforementioned mentor competition job, it occurred to me that for someone to be your mentor in the broadest sense of the word, they don’t actually need to know you. You don’t even need to meet them in person.

But how? Aren’t mentors supposed to know all about your career and be personally invested and give you tailored advice? That is one way a mentor relationship can work. But at the core, a mentor is someone whose career you admire, and whose life choices and values you respect, and whose opinion you value. You don’t need to actually have a conversation with someone to find that out. 

When I had this realisation, it occurred to me there are several successful people who I admire where I have read all their books, listened to them on podcasts, watched them on YouTube, read their articles and blog posts. Pretty much any content they have produced, I have consumed, absorbed, processed and reflected on how it could apply to my own situation, and taken on board their advice. 

Why is this reframe of mentors valuable? 

When you reframe who can be a mentor to this broader approach, you have no limits on who you can access as a mentor. No matter where you live, how old you are, how well (on unwell) connected you are, you can have access to the insights and advice from outstanding people. 

This reframe on who can be a mentor is a great equaliser, now anyone can have access to the greatest minds and confidently call them a mentor. You have likely heard of the saying ‘you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with’. With this reframe, you have the ability to be the average of the 5 people you spend most time with, even if you never meet them in person, like listening to Brené Brown’s podcast or reading James Clear’s books.

In the age of the internet this is reframe of who can be your mentor is very achievable. The rise in focus on personal brand means even more people are producing content about themselves, not just the likes of the hyper successful 0.01% which means you are more likely to find someone who resonates with you. Great mentors are not only the people who have made it to the top of their fields, they are also people who are a couple of years ahead of where you are now, who remember what it was like to be in your position and can share their wisdom.

While this form of mentorship is one-sided, there are ways to make it more tangible. As well as consuming their content, you can also engage with it for example by commenting on a LinkedIn post or engaging in a thoughtful discussion on Twitter, to let that person know how much their advice has helped you.

While indirect mentorship is incredibly valuable, it’s also worth recognising that in person mentorship can occur without the formal label. On reflection, I realised that I had a number of wonderful colleagues more senior than me who provided invaluable advice, that was with my best interest in mind, and that I actioned. Just because you don’t formally call someone a mentor doesn’t mean that isn’t what they are to you. This is another way to reframe who can be your mentor.

So what does this mean?

If you can’t think of anyone already, do some research on some successful people who you admire and respect and collate your ‘team of mentors’. Have as many or as few as you like, I personally find three to five is helpful for different perspectives, or to get advice on different aspects of your life. After all no one has the exact same situation or goals as you do. Periodically re-evaluate your ‘team of mentors’ to ensure the advice and content remain relevant to your evolving needs.

Then do some research and find everything they ever created, or has been written (or spoken) about them and create a ‘reading’ list. Sign up to their newsletter, read their blog, listen to their podcasts, read their books and the books they recommend reading, and watch them on YouTube. I find it particularly insightful if you can find an article or podcast where someone else has interviewed your mentor. This is a way to dig a little deeper by getting insight into the content that influences them, for example the books they recommend.

Spend some time each day or week going through the material on your reading list. Then the key here is to reflect and think about how the advice could apply to your own life and make a plan to implement the relevant advice. For mentorship to be valuable, whether traditional, virtual or indirect, it requires intentional effort, by reflecting on advice and implementing it.